Explaining the Psychological Phenomenon Portfolio Revisions Assignment Help
Final Portfolio Revisions
Due Friday, April 26 OR Wednesday, May 1
(by midnight) on Blackboard
“Re-vision—the act of looking back, of seeing with fresh eyes, of entering an old text from a new critical direction…” – Adrienne Rich
The Nobel Laureate William Faulkner died still contemplating how he might revise his critically and commercially acclaimed novel The Sound and the Fury. He described the book as the one “that [he] anguished the most over, that [he] worked the hardest at” and also called it his “most splendid failure.”
This example, as extreme as it surely is, indicates a kind of writerly ethos that I would like you to inhabit for this upcoming revision assignment. Try to mull over in your mind the idea that writing can always be improved, that it is not ultimately about a grade or about approval from others but about achieving a kind of integrity to the argument and to the prose that is matched in spirit by the integrity of the author and their desire to become better at the craft of writing. This assignment will give you the opportunity to fully invest in the revision stage of the writing process by asking you to start from what were once final drafts. It will ask you to not only make revisions but to keep track of your changes and encourage you to take ownership of your work and justify the writing choices you’ve made.
Choose two of your previous assignments and revise them: To demonstrate your revision skills, you’ll need to select two that allow room for improvement. A1, A2 and A3 are all eligible for the final portfolio, but use caution if choosing A3. (Because you only just finished writing A3, you may not yet have enough critical distance to approach it with fresh eyes. Note, also, that I won’t have time to give you margin notes on A3, so you’ll have to make do with just my end comments.) If you originally got an A- on an assignment, but you still want to revise it for the final portfolio, please be aware that all features of the text, including the language, will be held to the highest standard. (And, no, you will not have to re-do any companion essays or ancillary materials for this assignment.)
Type two separate “Description of Changes” documents, one for each revised piece: Along with the final copy of each revision, please include a document that describes and justifies the major changes you made. What did you change and why? Make sure you explain where the revision came from—whether it was self-motivated or inspired by a comment from a peer or from me. If you decide not to make a significant revision that I suggested in my comments on the original draft, that’s fine; note what you didn’t change and explain why. When describing minor sentence-level changes involving grammar or style, just summarize them briefly.
Keep in mind that revision does not simply entail making surface changes or merely implementing the changes that I suggested. Revisions should be dramatic and self-motivated. This is your opportunity to put your rhetorical judgment to work in deciding what are the best ways of improving your paper, be it advice from a peer, from your professor or from your own inner editor.
Grading Rubric: (worth 30%)
A The revision demonstrates excellent rhetorical judgment and application of feedback.
B The revision demonstrates above average rhetorical judgment and application of feedback.
C The revision demonstrates average rhetorical judgment and application of feedback.
D The revision demonstrates below average rhetorical judgment and application of feedback.
F The revision demonstrates poor rhetorical judgment and application of feedback.
SAMPLE DESCRIPTION OF CHANGE
Page 1: N/A
In response to your suggestion and the peer-review, I combined and condensed the first two paragraphs into a single introduction. It made more sense structurally, and gives readers a straightforward thesis at the end of the introduction, right where they typically expect it.
Based on suggestions from you and my peers, I changed my word choice in the first paragraph to strengthen my claim in topic sentence #1.
Because of your comments, I got rid of the parentheses including examples of the imagery of bulimia ads, and expanded a bit on them to explain more of how they’re relevant and interesting.
As per my peer’s suggestion, I combined two paragraphs to enhance the essay’s flow, and bolster my claim with cohesive evidence and support
As per your suggestion, I added support from the field of sociology in order to make my interpretation of the bulimia ad more convincing and memorable. I did this by using information from a research paper that concluded that people tend to turn away from the grotesque.
Based on notes from my peers and from you, I added a transition to my topic sentence to make my claim clearer and my transition smoother.
I added a credible source explaining the psychological phenomenon I mentioned in order to appeal to the reader’s sense of ethos.
After reading through my essay, I was self-motivated to combine these two paragraphs so as not to disrupt the overall flow of the essay, since they both deal with the same topic: self-control as it relates to beauty as the overarching reason for the popularity of anti-anorexia ads.
I decided that my claim would be more substantial if I added scientific evidence to support my idea, so I added a source validating my line of reasoning that enhances the paper’s appeal to ethos.
Based on my peer’s suggestions I combined the two paragraphs in order to better juxtapose the self-control present in anorexia, and it’s lack thereof in bulimia. It makes the comparison of the two diseases both stronger and more apparent.
Based on your comments, I reworded the topic sentence to have a more apparent transition between the topics of self-control and innocence as it relates to the overarching societal value of beauty.
I was self-motivated to cite my scholarly source to bolster both ethos and logos in my claim that females make up 85-95% of the population suffering from anorexia and bulimia.
As per your suggestion, I added and elaborated upon counterclaim that bulimics can vomit in private. I thought this was a good way to add an organic-style counterargument into my essay. By anticipating this potential counter, and addressing why it is false, I added credibility to my overall claim.
I used your suggestion to edit word choice and restructure syntax to avoid starting a lot of my sentences with indefinite pronouns (i.e. “it”), which makes the essay more direct and argumentative in its use of the active voice, rather than the passive.
I edited the word choice in the Call-to-Action to reflect the passage of time since I initially wrote the essay. This was necessary because the C2A referred to NEDAwareness Week 2016 (Feb. 21st – Feb 27th) beginning in 2 weeks from when the essay was written, but it has now been roughly 2 months since NEDAwareness Week 2016.